Special to USAfrica magazine (Houston) and USAfricaonline.com, the first Africa-owned, US-based newspaper published on the Internet.
Asiegbu Agwu Nkpa, contributor of opinion/commentary
Nigeria, we’re told, is on the cusp of transformation. According to President Bola Ahmed Tinubu and his team of sycophantic sorcerers – excuse me, “economic advisors” – our beloved country is shedding the old skin of economic decay and stepping boldly into the bright light at the end of the tunnel. One imagines that fiery light could only be the gates of some infernal realm, with Tinubu’s crew playing the demons ushering us forward.
But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. According to these so-called wizards of progress, Nigerians are simply not seeing the “hope” they’ve been gifted. They fail to recognize that the price of a 50kg bag of rice, soaring above ₦100,000, is not an indication of hardship. It’s actually a blessing! After all, scarcity builds character. And the PMS (Premium Motor Spirit) price, rocketing past ₦1,200 per liter, is surely the universe’s way of training us to embrace the joy of walking. Who needs cars when you have legs, right?
A Government Full of Hope, But Only for Themselves
Tinubu campaigned on promises to solve problems. A noble cause, no doubt. But somewhere along the way, the manifesto turned into something resembling a horror film, where each new policy is a plot twist we didn’t see coming – and didn’t want. Nigerians aren’t suffering, Tinubu’s administration would say. We’re simply being “renewed.” “Renewed Hope,” they call it. And the renewal, it appears, requires us to descend into the deepest depths of economic oblivion before we can emerge shining and triumphant. It’s a tactic, you see: punish the people severely, and when you throw them crumbs later, they’ll mistake you for a savior.
The government insists they’re “seeing light at the end of the tunnel.” Ah, yes, the light. Is it the sun, or the fire of a furnace where the “T-Pain” government seems to be refining its citizens in the flames of despair? One imagines it more as the biblical furnace – the one where the worst of demons resides. Surely, that’s the metaphor they meant when they said light.
A People of Anguish, a Government of Silence
But wait. We, the people, must not complain. Cursing the government, labeling it with something as outrageous as “T-Pain” (as the youth mockingly reference Tinubu’s leadership), is tantamount to treason. How dare we! This government, so magnanimous in its economic mismanagement, expects our gratitude. And yet, instead of bowing to this great misstep, Nigerians are expressing their anguish. But here comes the punchline: a law may soon be on the way to criminalize the audacity of speaking out in anguish. Silence, they say, is golden. And under Tinubu, it may very well become law.
Government supporters argue that criticizing these policies is unpatriotic. Apparently, loving Nigeria means loving every detrimental policy – no matter how hard it grinds you into the dirt. Isn’t that what true patriotism looks like? Praising your oppressor, because hey, they’re wearing the same flag. If the demons of bad governance happen to be your compatriots, you must worship them. Right?
Economic Progress: A Wicked Illusion
Tinubu’s administration claims they’re making progress. What progress, one asks? Is it the magic of transforming Nigeria’s economy into a living hell for its citizens? If so, they deserve accolades for achieving what no previous administration could: the rapid and efficient collapse of any semblance of economic stability. But let’s not mince words. The government’s attempts to paint their policy failures as success are nothing short of mockery to the Nigerian populace. They celebrate while families starve. They smile while businesses shutter due to prohibitive fuel costs.
When experts in economics and governance note the glaring errors in removing fuel subsidies without a structured phase-out plan, Tinubu’s government assures us it’s all part of the design. The very best minds in the administration, they say, couldn’t have overlooked the disastrous impact on the masses. But then, who are we to question such wisdom? Surely, making fuel prices skyrocket was part of some grand, diabolical scheme, one that would leave Nigerians too broke to protest.
A Deliberate Design of Chaos
Some argue that Tinubu’s team deliberately orchestrated this economic catastrophe. It’s not just incompetence; it’s a deliberate design. By devaluing the Naira while simultaneously removing the fuel subsidy, they’ve created the perfect storm – ensuring that only the wealthiest (or the most corrupt) can thrive. For everyone else, it’s a descent into poverty, punctuated by the high cost of living.
But we should take solace, shouldn’t we? After all, this is what “hope” looks like under the new regime. It’s not the kind of hope you can bank on – it’s the kind that burns through your savings and leaves you wondering how you’ll survive the next month.
The Wicked Patriotic Lie
Let’s call it what it is: a government of charlatans. charlatans masquerading as patriots, spinning narratives of progress where only decay exists. They say they’re repairing the country, but one wonders if the only thing being repaired is their own bank accounts. After all, in this voodoo economy, garbage in means garbage out, and the garbage is piling up faster than anyone can clear it.
In conclusion, President Tinubu’s administration has a slogan. They call it “Renewed Hope,” but the only hope they’ve renewed is the hope of surviving another day in their hellish version of Nigeria.
