USAfrica: Wacky names of Nigerian churches and ministries.


USAfrica and CLASSmagazine (Houston) have received a popular e-mail on the humorous but actual church/mission/evangelism ministry names in Nigeria.

The compiler of the list is, so far, not known to me, our editors and correspondents. We welcome him or her to indicate his/her identity. We note, too, that another yet unknown creative person added comments in the brackets, in an effort to explain and make sense of the mysterious names and ‘spiritual’ mandates of these ministries.

Shall we say, only in Nigeria, would you have a church named “Fire for Fire Ministry” and another, nearby, is known as “Run for your Life Ministry.” With fire and brimstone and fire for fire chants, what else is left but for any sensible person to run for his/her dear life.

Yes, only in our dear and wonderful Nigeria will a ministry bear an oxymoronic twist of Angels on ‘Fire Chapel of Peace’. For full point and kill impact, there’s also the world famous ‘Guided Missiles Church.’ The church’s bus and picture follow immediately….

Before, you read through the hilarious list of wacky names of Nigerian churches and evangelism ministries, let me begin by saying: Hallelu..halleluya!! Hallelu..halleluya!!! By Chido Nwangwu, Publisher USAfricaonline.com

http://www.usafricaonline.com/2010/09/14/wacky-names-nigerian-churches/

—-

The key roll call of names:

·         Guided Missiles Church

( The founder must have worked with NATO in the United States, or something close!)


·         JESUS IN THE NOW GLOBAL MINISTRY’

( As opposed to where he was in the – THEN – ministry?)

 

·         Healing Has Begun Ministry

( This should bring multitudes …..in the beginning)


·         God’s Own Ministry

( I guess here the ownership is not in doubt!)

·         The True Assemblies of God Church

(don’t want to think of what this implies of the other Assemblies of God we know)


·         Jehova Sharp Sharp (Festac)

(Are we looking at a sense of timing here or the surname is being emphasized)


·         Huricane Miracle Ministry

(In nigeria……?)

·         Healing Tsunami Ministry

(I guess , both should be situated side by side , my guess is twin brothers founded them!)


·         Satan in Trouble Ministry

(You guys are helping him out , or wanna join in the fun?)



·         Fire for Fire Ministry

(Founded by a descendant of Moses …actually started with the name ‘An eye for an eye’ ministry)


·         FIST OF FURY (NTA road, Port Harcourt)

(I’ll take a guess, members are fit, and all have black belts in Karate)



·         Run For Your Life Ministry

( You can’t say , you haven’t been warned!)

Here’s the sign for Run for your life chapel


·         The Yoke Must Broke Ministry

(Spelling error or founded in warri?)


·         Jesus Heal Ministry

( Focussed and to the point…! )



·         Face to face ministry

( No emails, mobile phones allowed- everything here in done face to face!)


·         Angels on Fire Chapel of Peace

(An oxymoron….meaning?)


·         Liquid Fire Ministries (Suleja, Niger State)

(Nitrogen, diesel, Kerosene and gasoline in sure supply!)

·         By fire By Fire Ministry

(These guys are not kidding!!!!)



·         HOLYFIRE OVERFLOW MINISTRIES

(Doesn’t this remind you of run for your life ….?)



·         David Killed Goliath Ministry (Kaduna)

(Size and weight counts here….!)



·         House of Jehova’s Padawans (TransAmadi, PH)

(Check this out, IT WASNT THERE!- what the heck is padawans?!!!)



·         JESUS IN HIS MIGHTINESS GLOBAL MINISTRY

(As opposed to other ministries where HE IS IN his what?…LOWLINESS?)



·         OPM – Other people’s money (PH)

( Now I like this one….our mission is clear!!!!)



·         God in action ministries

(Isn’t there a movie with that title?)



·         Moving mountain gospel church

( You can’t say this guys are not scriptural….)



·         MY BROTHER IS A CHRISTIAN CHURCH OF GOD

(Muslims/Jews/Hindus don’t belong here is another way of saying this!!!)



·         Fellowship of the Wings – Ajah (Langbasa)

(This is a church….right?)



·         Power Foundation Ministries, Aba. === The pastor’s maiden crusade was titled: “Your Money is Looking For You”


(I actually like the crusade title for the name of the church!)

(

·         HOLY GHOST ON FIRE MINISTRY (Abuja)

(Are these ones for or against God?)



·         HIGH TENSION MINISTRY

(There is absolutely nothing wrong with this if the church location describes the church name!!!!)



·         JESUS NEVER bleep UP MINISTRY (Benin) === for those of you who don’t get the meaning, replace the word bleep in this one with the err… the “F” word

( sounds like a warning)



·         Devil go hear am Jesus Ministry

(I know this one MUST be BASED in warri)



·         Accredited Church of God

(Jega’s INEC should see and agree with this or not!)


·         Chukwudi & Son evangelical ministry, Aba

(The first sermon should read -Many are called, few were chosen)



·         Power pass power church of the mountain ministry incorporated

(I ‘ll suggest a more modern name, like P3M2 to the I in C, ministries. )


·         Ministry Of The Naked Wire – Bayelsa State

(Be warned! , naked cables are everywhere!)



·         LABORATORY CHURCH OF GOD

( We only need to check your blood samples and tell if you are one of us!!!)

·         Go and tell Ahab that Elijah is here ministries – Benin

(IF you have no Ahab friends and ain’t seen Elijah before, sorry pal, you are not one of us!)

 

·         God is Real Ministry.

Motto: “Jesus no get muscle but he get power”

(Another warri based ministry with a clear mandate! – muscle building not allowed)

 

·         Fire burn ministries

(Another clear warning!)


·         JESUS THE LANDLORD, WE THE RELAXING PEW MINISTRY – Portharcourt

(Owned by an Ikwerre man!, after all, land is mentioned and it is in PH)



·         Happy Go Lucky Church of God Almighty In Jesus Name Amen – Abeokuta

(What can I say to this …but, Amen too!!!)

 

·         Old time religion ministry

(Yes my brothers and sisters, its old time again, join us when you are 50 years and above!)



·         Strong Hand of God ministry

(Yes! Thats what we are!, if you are weak hand of God, we are STRONG)



·         Best Spot In The Land of God Church – Apapa.

(I am still thinking of what to write here….)



·         Trigger happy ministry.

Motto- always firing the devil

( Second motto should read ,: come equipped , AK47 minimum standards)



·         KASABUBU CHURCH OF GOD – Ibadan

( I didn’t have to check this out!)



·         Jesus knows his children ministry – Benin

(Yes! …We are the one!)



·         SEVEN THUNDERS OF JESUS

(namely…?)



·         Perfect Christianity Ministry

(No short cuts here!)



·         Elshaddai Shall Not Die Ministries

( I give up!!!)

Elshaddai shall not die ministries …pls note Powered by…lolz

http://www.usafricaonline.com/2010/09/14/wacky-names-nigerian-churches/

——–

VIDEO of the CNN International broadcast of its profile of USAfrica and CLASSmagazine Publisher Dr. Chido Nwangwu. http://edition.cnn.com/video/#/video/international/2010/07/29/mpa.african.media.bk.a.cnn

USAfrica and USAfricaonline.com (characterized by The New York Times as the  most influential African-owned, U.S-based multimedia networks) established May 1992, our first edition of USAfrica magazine was published August 1993; USAfrica The Newspaper on May 11, 1994; CLASSmagazine on May 2, 2003; www.PhotoWorks.TV in 2005.

—–

Responses/comments are welcome at USAfricaonline.com, facebook.com/usafricachido, twitter.com/chido247 and some of our blogs. e-mail: News@USAfricaonline.com ofc: 713-270-5500. wireless: 832-45-CHIDO (24436).

———

WHY I CELEBRATE THE LIFE AND WORKS OF NELSON MANDELA. By Chido Nwangwu   Mandela&Achebe-byChido_cover-01

ACHEBE lives as an immortal writer in our hearts and minds. By Chido Nwangwu

Margaret Thatcher, Mandela and Africa.  By Chido Nwangwu, Founder & Publisher of USAfrica, and the first African-owned, U.S-based newspaper published on the internet USAfricaonline.com. Click for newscast video of London-based SkyNEWS, the global, 24-hour British international tv network’s interview with USAfrica’s Publisher Chido Nwangwu on April 11, 2013 regarding this latest commentary http://youtu.be/G0fJXq_pi1c )

POPE FRANCIS, champion for the poor and evangelistic dedication’ by Chido Nwangwu

 

Nigeria’s Federal Republic of Insecurity. By Chido Nwangwu, Publisher of USAfrica, USAfricaonline.com and the Nigeria360 e-grouphttp://www.usafricaonline.com/2011/12/17/nigeria-federal-republic-of-insecurity-by-chido-nwangwu/ : IF any of the Nigerian President’s 100 advisers has the polite courage for the extraordinary task of reminding His Excellency of his foremost, sworn, constitutional obligation to the national interest about security and safety of Nigerians and all who sojourn in Nigeria, please whisper clearly to Mr. President that I said, respectfully: Nigerians, at home and abroad, are still concerned and afraid for living in what I call Nigeria’s Federal Republic of Insecurity. FULL text of commentary at USAfricaonline.com http://www.usafricaonline.com/2011/12/17/nigeria-federal-republic-of-insecurity-by-chido-nwangwu/

Obama’s Africa agenda, our business and democracy. By Chido Nwangwu, Publisher of USAfricaonline.com and CLASS magazine and The Black Business Journal

USAfrica: As Egypt’s corrupter-in-chief Mubarak slides into history’s dustbin.  By Chido Nwangwuhttp://www.usafricaonline.com/2011/01/30/chido-nwangwu-as-egypt-corrupter-in-chief-mubarak-slides-into-historys-dustbin-egyptians-not-waiting-for-obama-and-united-nations/

USAfrica: Awolowo’s Starvation Policy against Biafrans and the Igbo requires apology not attacks on Achebe. By Francis Adewale.

 

 


















 

Advertisements

Chido http://www.chidonwangwu.com

USAfrica is an international multimedia company, founded since 1992 by Dr. Chido Nwangwu [author of Mandela & Achebe: Leadership, Identity and Footprints of Greatness], with its headquarters in Houston, Texas. Also, he established the 1st African-owned, U.S.-based professional newspaper published on the internet USAfricaonline.com, both assessed by the CNN and The New York Times as the largest and arguably the most influential African-owned, U.S-based multimedia networks. USAfrica’s first print edition of USAfrica magazine published August 1993; USAfrica The Newspaper on May 11, 1994; The Black Business Journal in 1998; CLASSmagazine on May 2, 2003; PhotoWorks.TV in 2005, and several platforms and products. USAfricaonline.com is powered by the global resources of USAfrica, CLASSmagazine, CLASSmagazine.TV, PhotoWorks.Tv, USAfrica.TV, MandelaAchebeChido.com, AchebeBooks.com and ChidoNwangwu.com

What others say about : USAfrica: Wacky names of Nigerian churches and ministries...


Partrick Pius

MEN OF GOD MUST BE OF GOD, OR THEY WILL BE MARRED BY MEN. REMBER! MEN OF ARE NOT BORN BY MEN THEY ARE MADE BY GOD. MENOF GOD ARE GOD`S SPOKES MEN, AND NOT MEN PLESERS. AND BE WARN OF MOG, THAT YOU WILL STAND THE BEFORE THE ALMIGHTY GOD TO GIVE ACCOUNT OF YOURSELF AND YOUR SERVICES TO GOD AND MEN.

Aolupitan

Either the founder is or was a member of NATO time will tell but I must tell you Boss be sure of source because it is written that “He who justifies the wicked, and he who condemns the just, both of them alike are an abomination to the LORD” (Proverbs 17:150″,”Touch not my anointed and do my prophet no harm” is a serious waring GOD gave concerning his anointed.( 1 chr.16;22), But for one to find out what is true or false they must look into matter and hear both sides before they make a final judgment. “The heart of the prudent acquires knowledge, and the ear of the wise seeks knowledge” (Proverbs 18:15).
I know the founder personally and I tell you he is a man of impeccable quality and character ,a seasoned man of God that have paid his dues in the Christian Pentecostal Ministry of Nigeria (CPM), The like of his pedigree are few, I tell you this with full conviction he does nothing without hearing from God, so if the church he founded is Called Guided Missiles Church I, My family and thousands of other follower n Nigeria and outside know that the name is definitely from God.
So Boss repent and ask Gods’ for forgiveness before His anger come upon you. Be bless.

Aolupitan

Either the founder is or was a member of NATO time will tell but I must tell you Boss be sure of source because it is written that “He who justifies the wicked, and he who condemns the just, both of them alike are an abomination to the LORD” (Proverbs 17:150","Touch not my anointed and do my prophet no harm" is a serious waring GOD gave concerning his anointed.( 1 chr.16;22), But for one to find out what is true or false they must look into matter and hear both sides before they make a final judgment. “The heart of the prudent acquires knowledge, and the ear of the wise seeks knowledge” (Proverbs 18:15).
I know the founder personally and I tell you he is a man of impeccable quality and character ,a seasoned man of God that have paid his dues in the Christian Pentecostal Ministry of Nigeria (CPM), The like of his pedigree are few, I tell you this with full conviction he does nothing without hearing from God, so if the church he founded is Called Guided Missiles Church I, My family and thousands of other follower n Nigeria and outside know that the name is definitely from God.
So Boss repent and ask Gods' for forgiveness before His anger come upon you. Be bless.

%d bloggers like this: